Abandoned

Have you ever felt abandoned? Have you ever been rejected, dumped, or separated from those you love? Abandonment is not a good feeling. No one likes to feel deserted or forsaken, thrust into overwhelming helplessness, vulnerability, and weakness.

Abandonment can come in many forms; relationships that end when people leave you, goals and dreams that go unfulfilled or disappoint you, finances that evaporate, a job that is taken away, or plans that suddenly change for the worse. Sometimes our belief in ourselves fails or God seems to turn away at our moment of need. Worldwide many children are abandoned, and the elderly can be warehoused, hidden away in nursing homes.

All of this creates a sickness which many people in our culture have – Abandoholism. This is, in part, an addiction to attracting people who reject or do not value us. It also can cause us to reject others when we feel that they no longer have anything of value to give us or become a burden. The overall sensibility of abandoholism is that people are treated like objects and thrown out in our mass consumer society. To deal with the pain of the many varieties of abandonment people endlessly watch TV, smoke, drink, do drugs, rush into or out of relationships, distract themselves, or just give up on life. Here are some suggestions on how to deal with abandonment.

1. Are We Ever Alone?

When I was seven years old my stepfather took me to a business meeting. It was an hour-long trip to get to the factory and I fell asleep in the backseat of the car. When I awoke I found myself all alone with the car doors locked, in a neighborhood that I didn’t recognize. I quickly panicked when my Stepfather was nowhere to be seen. I went through all sorts of emotions; fear, anxiety, anger and confusion and began to hysterically cry. Then I decided to get out of the car and yell out loud for my Stepfather. When no response came, I loudly slammed the car door shut. People passed by but did nothing to help. Finally, I got back into the car, locked all the doors, and curled up into a protective ball. When My Stepfather did appear, I was furious. He calmly explained that he did not want to wake me up. He had been in the building right next to the car. The truth was that I was always safe; he was there – I just could not see him.

Just because we cannot always see the people who love us, the resources at our disposal, or the benevolence of the universe, does not mean that it is not there. When you have been abandoned in some way, suffered a loss, like your home being destroyed in a natural disaster, or are unsure of your future, it can help to remember that benevolent forces and resources are present. You may not see them, but if you can muster the faith and trust to believe in them, they will be revealed to you.

2. Ask and Seek

To move beyond the constraints of abandonment requires action. There are questions to ask ourselves and solutions to seek. A good question to ask is, “What have I really lost?” It is very important to honor the life cycles of creation and destruction, of gain and loss, when things come in and then go out of our lives. Instead of feeling loss, we can simply reframe it as a life change. Change is a constant and when it occurs we are invited to change as well. Sometimes things are taken away to allow new things to come in. We each only have so much space and energy in our lives; change requires flow, flexibility, and space.

When you feel abandoned, ask for what you want and then seek the support in getting it. Be open to that support from many sources. Be honest about your feelings of loss and pain; it’s natural to react this way when you feel something that you value has been taken away from you. Even the feelings of being lost and alone can be experienced and transcended if we’re honest with ourselves. What is taken away can be replaced in some way. That space can be filled, even if it’s just with your own love for yourself.

3. How Can We Create a Culture of Acceptance?

In the Industrial Age humanity learned about mass production, machines, and industrialization. Natural resources and people were used for profit at a rapid rate. We now live in the Information Age where ideas are quickly consumed and then discarded. Daily life is now such a speedy blur that people can lose their appreciation, love, and compassion for others as we now control, direct and harness information at an astonishing rate. Have you ever seen a sad news story on-line and just clicked away from it as if the suffering of others was unreal? In this fluid, highly changeable society, speed can be more valued than comprehension, and what was important one day can become obsolete the next minute. It can be very confusing and divisive living in the Information Age fast lane.

Perhaps this is a time where we need to slow down and strive for connection. We can do this collectively by each of us embracing and acknowledging the value of every person. It’s also important to see the Divine essence in all, and in this way treat each other with love and respect. If you do not discard other people, then that presents an alternative approach that other people can see. The beginning point is valuing yourself – no matter what. Others may abandon you but don’t abandon yourself.

Hi, Egan Sanders

Welcome to my blog. I am a transformation coach, intuitive counselor, and spiritual development teacher, who is passionate about helping you to live joyfully and actualize your potential.

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